Bulimia is an eating disorder and a mental illness
As someone who has experienced Bulimia personally, I can understand how this condition can go undetected for such a long time.
Body image is something people have been struggling with for decades, particularly women. In today’s culture of instant gratification and comparison at our finger tips, it’s even more important to have self-love and acceptance, in order to survive and thrive!
My journey with Bulimia started when I was 17 years old, living in Sydney and working in bars underage. My family environment had fallen apart and I was living the ‘Rebel’ lifestyle. Exposing myself to people and environments I know now was the unhealthiest way possible to cope with my emotions and the trauma I had been facing.
I was drinking, and taking drugs on a weekly, if not daily basis.
My mental health was spiraling down the rabbit hole, and I started playing with the option of purging after I ate.
I believed I was fat
I believed it would help me lose weight
I believed I could eat more and it wouldn’t effect my weight
It was an addiction.
If only my 17-year self could hear my wisdom now… but sometimes these types of experiences happen for us to grow, learn from our mistakes and transform ourselves into our best versions.
Fast forward 12 months… I was living in London, still suffering from Bulimia, very quietly, I had progressed from throwing up occasionally to throwing up after each meal. ! I was now a mere 60kg, (approx. 5kg over my ideal weight), but still within the normal weight range, and yet I thought I was fat!
It wasn’t until I threw up so many times in one day, I busted blood vessels in my eye leaving me with one completely red eye ball…. only then did I begin to realise I had gone too far.
Then came the shame, and all the questions, and all the lies I had to tell everyone so my secret wasn’t out.
it was a secret I had shared with no one.
The cycle of binge eating, purging and erratic exercising, led to the shame and guilt spiral, which in hindsight had only just begun. Decades of self-loathing, failed relationships and drug abuse would continue until the penny eventually dropped.
Instead as we all do, the masks went on… go to work to be the ‘good girl’, pretend to be ok, pretend to be happy, receive unwanted attention (even though what I was truly wanting was acknowledgment and validation),
The vicious cycle of self-loathing continued until I pushed it down so far I had actually forgotten this was even a part of me.
Instead, I committed my life to educating myself on the mental, physical and physiological effects, diet and exercise have on the mind and the body, while also intuitively healing myself.
It’s not until recently, with deep subconscious activation, I remembered this time in my life. It’s been profound for me to revisit this, and consider where I was at mentally, and how parts of myself then, are still showing up in my life now.
Where am I still holding onto self-sabotaging behaviours?
Where am I still believe I am not enough?
Where am I still seeking validation and approval?
I share this to help others realise, often the trauma we experience in life is so deeply rooted, its unconscious. Yet our conscious mind is making choices for us, and directing us to exactly where we need to be in order to grow, as long as we listen.
The truth is, when we allow ourselves to be open, vulnerable, and be seen in our mess, people can feel you, and develop an understanding of you. And in doing so, you lead the way for others to feel comfortable to do the same.
I put this picture here, not to encourage you to eat cakes, but to allow you to see…
You can overcome the illness
You can overcome the pain
You can overcome the self-loathing
You can overcome the addiction to this habit
You can overcome the desire to fill the void with food, and
You can create the healthiest, happiest and best version of yourself too!
It will take commitment
It will take compassions
it will take patience
You cannot do this alone.
I recommend you reach out to family, friends, lovers, health professionals, and/or life coaches.
I am here to support you.
As someone who has been there personally, and as an exercise physiologist, it is my goal to help people overcome the barriers that prevent them from taking action, and creating the life they want.
I have the tools and the knowledge to guide you, and give you the confidence to take each step.
This is a process, and it’s time to love yourself enough to commit to yourself.
Its time to reach out.. click here to contact me directly and take action today to overcome these limiting beliefs and become the best versions of yourself!